Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Chemotherapy #3 [3/7]

Definitely the worse one yet!

My veins appear to close down the minute Chemotherapy is administered and no longer wish to play ball. It took at least six, if not seven, long and painful attempts to get a needle in and then once there for it to function properly.

My Haemoglobin is on the low side and as a result so am I, both emotionally and physically.
For no apparent reason I could cry my eyes out and there is no way I can prevent it from occurring; this is embarrassing for a grown man! It first happened this morning when I stepped on the weighing scales and discovered that with yet more weight loss I am now only 10 st 1 ½ lbs. [141.5 lbs]. I nearly filled the bath I was running with tears instead of the hot water from the central heating system.
All I could think of was the poor people who were sent to concentration camps during WWII and how they must have felt about themselves. I cannot even begin to imagine how low their self esteem must have been with how emaciated they were.

During many attempts to have the needle inserted both my partner and I broke out into tears as I thought of the girl who had cancer at the same time I did in 1992 and all the sad memories of that time came rushing back. It is not how I usually remember her as I am still in contact with her family, despite the fact that she never made it through in ’93, and her lovely sister is so effervescent. [She is also rather round in the belly department as her first born is reluctant to make an appearance].

I am booked in for a blood transfusion on Friday to help me get back on my feet, provided they can get a needle in that is!

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At 3:27 am , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

Oh man...that makes me so sad..that something that is supposed to be helping you is making you feel so bad...still praying and lighing candles..


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